Doubts

In spite of knowing better, I continue to worry about whether I will be able to do the swim--whether it be 1.2 miles in a half Ironman or 500 meters in a sprint. Intellectually, I know that I just need to take baby steps; emotionally, the idea of swimming in a lake makes my stomach hurt.

I mentioned to the club coaches that I had my doubts about my ability to overcome the fear. Of the four I sent it to, only one commented and his response was "Nothing's impossible Tami.   My favorite quote is whether you think you can or you can't, you're right.  I seriously believe this is true and strive to live it...for me it is the catalyst to turn my dreams into goals and my goals into reality.   All you need is a little hope and you can overcome anything, No matter how impossible something may seem."

Maybe it's just because I'm getting crochety in my advanced years, but I felt this response to be a little glib. On the one hand, I agree wholeheartedly that choosing to believe it isn't possible is the same as making it true. However, on the other, it's just rhetoric. I need something a little more actionable than  "hope" to get beyond the irrational stuff speaking in my ear. It's like telling someone you can run a marathon in four months if only you believe you can. Yes, believing is key. But, there are also a few other steps required to get one from the start line to the finish.

My issues with swimming run deep. As a child, I had a couple of close calls in the water (I'm sure I wasn't anywhere close to really drowning, but I can still remember the terror I felt at the time, even forty years later). My oldest brother drowned in a lake on my 23rd birthday, and he knew how to swim!

I honestly don't consciously associate those things when I swim, but I'm sure they are rattling around in the recesses of my mind. This became apparent when one of my training buddies asked me WHAT was I really afraid of? The simple answer is ... drowning. I don't have enough confidence that I am a good enough swimmer that I could save myself. And, that's the place I need to get. I just don't know how.

These people are my coaches, who have self-professed to have all the initials behind their names that say they know what they are talking about when it come to training for a triathlon. I just "hope" they give me more tools to use than just "hope."