Eek! The end of May fast approaches. I had a brief reprieve from training last weekend when I went to NYC for a few days. I also very conveniently missed the KC Triathlon. I didn't intend to schedule the trip the same weekend, but it turns out it was just as well, since I would not have mentally been ready for the swim. Now, Topeka Tinman looms on the horizon like a huge monster... And, the what ifs are already starting up. What if I'm still not ready for the swim? What if I think I can manage the swim with my wetsuit, but the event isn't wetsuit legal? Having to do the swim without my neoprene security blanket is going to be like resetting the clock all over again. Okay, okay...one hurdle at a time.
In my guilt over not participating at the KC Tri, I did enter a 5K in New York. It was the NYPD Memorial 5K which honors the fallen heros among New York's Finest. It was run on the West Side Highway very close to Ground Zero. Perfect weather on a perfect, flat course. I ran it hard, but not all out (as I am wont to do) and because it was a fast course, I still ran a 24:44, a few seconds faster than the 5K I did over Easter weekend. I thought I might place in my age group, as I had checked out the results from the previous year and saw that the 3rd place did a 26 minute race. However, I ended up 7th...the first place finisher in my age group was a 46-year-old who did an 18:40. Seriously?!?
I resumed my workouts when I got back, sort of. My job has gotten really busy and so squeezing in doubles have not been working. So, the stress of my job as well of the stress of missing workouts was starting to get to me. However, I did get to test out my new bike fit on a couple of rides--a 25-mile ride at the downtown airport and a 42-mile EMG group ride. I was very happy that my back did not bother me on either ride and my feet didn't go numb! So, it looks like the fit is going to be well worth the money.
The 42-miler is now my second longest ride, ever. My average speed wasn't that great, but I did get tired the last 5 or so miles.
Today I did my long run that I should have done yesterday by running to Loose Park, doing the Amy Thompson Run to Daylight 8K and then running home. My legs felt like lead the entire run to the park and two miles into the race. They finally loosened up a little after that. It's a little frustrating that I never feel rested or fresh for any of the races I've done this year, but I suppose we aren't training to specifically for road races. Hospital Hill is coming up Saturday and I am going to take a couple of rest days so that my legs aren't completely trashed. That could be a long and arduous day.
Tomorrow, I get back in the lake. Fingers crossed on how that goes...
Monday, May 30, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Doubts
In spite of knowing better, I continue to worry about whether I will be able to do the swim--whether it be 1.2 miles in a half Ironman or 500 meters in a sprint. Intellectually, I know that I just need to take baby steps; emotionally, the idea of swimming in a lake makes my stomach hurt.
I mentioned to the club coaches that I had my doubts about my ability to overcome the fear. Of the four I sent it to, only one commented and his response was "Nothing's impossible Tami. My favorite quote is whether you think you can or you can't, you're right. I seriously believe this is true and strive to live it...for me it is the catalyst to turn my dreams into goals and my goals into reality. All you need is a little hope and you can overcome anything, No matter how impossible something may seem."
Maybe it's just because I'm getting crochety in my advanced years, but I felt this response to be a little glib. On the one hand, I agree wholeheartedly that choosing to believe it isn't possible is the same as making it true. However, on the other, it's just rhetoric. I need something a little more actionable than "hope" to get beyond the irrational stuff speaking in my ear. It's like telling someone you can run a marathon in four months if only you believe you can. Yes, believing is key. But, there are also a few other steps required to get one from the start line to the finish.
My issues with swimming run deep. As a child, I had a couple of close calls in the water (I'm sure I wasn't anywhere close to really drowning, but I can still remember the terror I felt at the time, even forty years later). My oldest brother drowned in a lake on my 23rd birthday, and he knew how to swim!
I honestly don't consciously associate those things when I swim, but I'm sure they are rattling around in the recesses of my mind. This became apparent when one of my training buddies asked me WHAT was I really afraid of? The simple answer is ... drowning. I don't have enough confidence that I am a good enough swimmer that I could save myself. And, that's the place I need to get. I just don't know how.
These people are my coaches, who have self-professed to have all the initials behind their names that say they know what they are talking about when it come to training for a triathlon. I just "hope" they give me more tools to use than just "hope."
I mentioned to the club coaches that I had my doubts about my ability to overcome the fear. Of the four I sent it to, only one commented and his response was "Nothing's impossible Tami. My favorite quote is whether you think you can or you can't, you're right. I seriously believe this is true and strive to live it...for me it is the catalyst to turn my dreams into goals and my goals into reality. All you need is a little hope and you can overcome anything, No matter how impossible something may seem."
Maybe it's just because I'm getting crochety in my advanced years, but I felt this response to be a little glib. On the one hand, I agree wholeheartedly that choosing to believe it isn't possible is the same as making it true. However, on the other, it's just rhetoric. I need something a little more actionable than "hope" to get beyond the irrational stuff speaking in my ear. It's like telling someone you can run a marathon in four months if only you believe you can. Yes, believing is key. But, there are also a few other steps required to get one from the start line to the finish.
My issues with swimming run deep. As a child, I had a couple of close calls in the water (I'm sure I wasn't anywhere close to really drowning, but I can still remember the terror I felt at the time, even forty years later). My oldest brother drowned in a lake on my 23rd birthday, and he knew how to swim!
I honestly don't consciously associate those things when I swim, but I'm sure they are rattling around in the recesses of my mind. This became apparent when one of my training buddies asked me WHAT was I really afraid of? The simple answer is ... drowning. I don't have enough confidence that I am a good enough swimmer that I could save myself. And, that's the place I need to get. I just don't know how.
These people are my coaches, who have self-professed to have all the initials behind their names that say they know what they are talking about when it come to training for a triathlon. I just "hope" they give me more tools to use than just "hope."
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Halfway to the Half Ironman
Training has been ongoing officially since February 1st. It's been an interesting journey so far. My mental state has been on a roller coaster, taking my confidence along for the ride. However, my ups and downs have been mostly restricted to my performance in relation to the everyone else in my group (am I the slowest swimmer, biker, runner?), like that even matters. But, as Paula Porizova said in her blog "No one ages as badly as a beautiful woman" (or something to that effect) I'm finding that the desertion of all my running speed has given my ego quite a beating. Running was the only part of triathlon that I had any competency and I don't even have my running chops anymore. Wah.
I have been training more for this than for anything else I've ever attempted. Swimming, running, biking. 8, 9, 10-hours a week. One would think that I would have wasted down to nothing with that much exercise, but to quote Bea, my friend and fellow Red Lady, I'm wondering when my six-pack abs are going to start to show. Maybe they are in there somewhere, under that stubborn layer of fat.
This weekend I attended EMG's Kansas 70.3 training camp and the magnitude of what I have signed up for has started to hit me. We did an open water swim yesterday morning (the air temperature was 39 and the water temp, 67), and I freaked out again.
Even though I have done a little bit of open water swimming, the opacity of the water threw me off, plus the cold water kept me from being able to get any rhythm. I couldn't catch my breath. The more I tried to relax, the worse my gasping became. Lucky for me, a fellow camper assisted me back to shallower water. I spent the rest of the time practicing in the designated swimming area, but my confidence was blown. Liz, the Red Ladies coach, asked me if I had had a panic attack. I wouldn't have called it that, as I didn't really feel afraid when it all started happening. However, the more I gasped, the more tired I got. If Steve hadn't helped me, I would have gotten scared.
Overcoming a lifetime of being afraid of deep water seems impossible right now. Just thinking about what happened yesterday is making my chest tight and causing me to gasp a bit. I know a lot of people in the club have had this issue and have gotten past it to do a full IM distance, so it can be done. I'm just not sure what I need to do to make it happen. For now, I just have to keep plugging along to plan, but I'm still worried.
The second sanity check came later that day when we did our bike segment. I was going to ride about 40 miles. But, once we got started, I decided to ride with Bea as she did the whole course. The furthest I had ever ridden before was about 35-40 miles. The Kansas 70.3 course was nice. Challenging with some good hills, but not as gross as riding around Shawnee Mission Park. It was really windy, which made the ride more difficult that it might have been, But, it was long, and it seemed that we couldn't get out of the wind, no matter which way we turned. We finished the ride, but the idea of running 13.1 miles off the bike almost made me cry!
So, between the unsuccessful swim attempt and the misery I experienced toward the end of the my ride were a harsh reckoning of exactly what I signed up for.
Four months to Redman. It doesn't seem long enough.
I have been training more for this than for anything else I've ever attempted. Swimming, running, biking. 8, 9, 10-hours a week. One would think that I would have wasted down to nothing with that much exercise, but to quote Bea, my friend and fellow Red Lady, I'm wondering when my six-pack abs are going to start to show. Maybe they are in there somewhere, under that stubborn layer of fat.
This weekend I attended EMG's Kansas 70.3 training camp and the magnitude of what I have signed up for has started to hit me. We did an open water swim yesterday morning (the air temperature was 39 and the water temp, 67), and I freaked out again.
Even though I have done a little bit of open water swimming, the opacity of the water threw me off, plus the cold water kept me from being able to get any rhythm. I couldn't catch my breath. The more I tried to relax, the worse my gasping became. Lucky for me, a fellow camper assisted me back to shallower water. I spent the rest of the time practicing in the designated swimming area, but my confidence was blown. Liz, the Red Ladies coach, asked me if I had had a panic attack. I wouldn't have called it that, as I didn't really feel afraid when it all started happening. However, the more I gasped, the more tired I got. If Steve hadn't helped me, I would have gotten scared.
Overcoming a lifetime of being afraid of deep water seems impossible right now. Just thinking about what happened yesterday is making my chest tight and causing me to gasp a bit. I know a lot of people in the club have had this issue and have gotten past it to do a full IM distance, so it can be done. I'm just not sure what I need to do to make it happen. For now, I just have to keep plugging along to plan, but I'm still worried.
The second sanity check came later that day when we did our bike segment. I was going to ride about 40 miles. But, once we got started, I decided to ride with Bea as she did the whole course. The furthest I had ever ridden before was about 35-40 miles. The Kansas 70.3 course was nice. Challenging with some good hills, but not as gross as riding around Shawnee Mission Park. It was really windy, which made the ride more difficult that it might have been, But, it was long, and it seemed that we couldn't get out of the wind, no matter which way we turned. We finished the ride, but the idea of running 13.1 miles off the bike almost made me cry!
So, between the unsuccessful swim attempt and the misery I experienced toward the end of the my ride were a harsh reckoning of exactly what I signed up for.
Four months to Redman. It doesn't seem long enough.
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